Anwser Me This...

Answer Me This...

If you tell someone they are being a baby, and then stick your fingers in your ears when they try to respond...does that not, in fact, make you the baby?

If you tell someone they are flipping out when they try to have a simple conversation with you, what do you call it when they are actually flipping out?

Is it wrong to think it's funny when someone is trying to show off and ends up hurting themselves because of it?

Is it wrong to believe that the voices in my head may have swayed the universe and caused you to drop a washing machine on your foot?

Is it wrong to eat chocolate cheerios in bed at night and wake up the next morning with one stuck to your face? More than once?

Hmmmmm....

We Don't Need No Water-LET THE MOTHER-* BURN

We DO bitch and complain about the older car leaking oil in the parking lot.
We DO NOT?? bitch about the woman and her daughter that stood in a bathroom that was ON FUCKING FIRE and continued to brush their hair anyways.

So what you are saying is-the iridescent circle with a 5 inch diameter in the parking lot IS a big deal, however literal flames shooting out of a ceiling fan in a bathroom IS NOT a big deal?

You know, I really wish I had been provided a manual when I first started working here. Maybe I could better decipher between something worth "holding on to" and something to "let go of."

From now on, if the building is ON FIRE, I will just let it go. No problem. *FUCKER

This One's For You JL

The other day I look towards the closing front door

and see a man dressed in hospital patient garb standing at the top of the stairs.

Not the proverbial ass exposing paper gown, but the nearly transparent pajama pants adorned

with tiny diamonds made up of over pointed star shapes all over them.

I'm not sure if it was the fact that I could see his catheter literally falling out of the tip of his penis through said pants, the haunting image I still have of his left eye BULDGING out of his face so far I

literally prayed to God he would not sneeze, or the Teen Wolf-esque amount of

black hair curling over the seams of his tank top that made me wonder if I was

a future star of some Rob Zombie sponsored version of Candid Camera I didn't

know exists.

Needless to say, after convincing him that we were full- no

seriously, we were full- and agreeing to let him go to the bathroom to rectify

the fact that his "catheter is about shoot urine" all over the

fucking entry way, I logged into my AK Airlines account and booked a one way

ticket to Hawaii for November 7th.

I'll be damned if I am going to stick around and participate

in what promises to be the circus freak show meets a clinic of meth addicts and

alcoholics howling at the fucking moon in ONLY a tee-shirt winter season.

sometimes.

Sometimes I look and feel happy.
Sometimes I look and feel angry.
Sometimes I look and feel nothing.

Apply to everyday interaction-
I see you, I feel good.
I see you, I want to tear your fucking face off.
I see you, I mine as well be looking at the wall.

I see guests, I feel welcoming.
I see guests, I wish the plane was already in the air.
I see guests, I couldn't care less whether they come or go.

What's for dinner?
Yay.
Gross.
whatever.

Did you like the movie?
Yay.
Sucked.
eh.

Are you excited to go on your kayaking trip?
Yay.
Fuck off.
who care's?

Your bread tastes good.
Yay.
It's poisoned
huh.

Your car tire is flat.
Thank you for letting me know.
When it blows out I hope you're driving the on-coming car I vear into.
and??
At what point does consistency become the constant? Or is it the inconsistencies that are the constants? Will I need hormonal suppliments to have a relatively level outlook everyday?

P.S. China waifer at the computer could use a sandwich or 20 and an attitude adjustment. You flew half way across the world to literally clean up other peoples' shit. How does this warrant the holier than thou fucking disposition? At least I only flew a 1/4 of that distance. Bitch.

nothing new. for the non facebookers.

what's the matter God Fearing Man? did you see the horns emerge from my head when i told you i don't know where your church is located? is that not what google is for? or are search engines the Devil too??? Excuse me, you're standing in front of my pitch fork and the pancakes need to be flipped.

i should add that this guy turned out to be really nice, and i quite like him. even if he did give me the you're going to hell look when i tried to explain to him that i have no idea where any churches are in the city. i know i'm an over opinionated bee-atch... but i am not a bad person.

business plan additive

when i am running my own hostel, i will not wake up at five to cook breakfast for the mongolian douche bags that kept me awake all night running around the halls like a bunch of fucking crazed lunatics.

i will not get up at five to cook breakfast for russian twelve teens that can not figure out how to shut a door without hulk force.

and, i will not wake up at five to cook breakfast for anybody who likes to use all the hand soap to wash their australian goliath bodies, who think i like to pick up the small lint-esque pieces of toilet paper from the bathroom floor that most likely fell off their stink ass before or during pant pull up time, or anyone who thinks i am stupid and do not know it was you out smoking on the fire escape marked quite clearly with "do not go out on fire escape!!"

"mouth2pete"????how would you take that? that's what she said.

So, the other day I get an email in the bike box that looks similar to this. It won't let me copy and paste, so I'm doing the best with re-creation.

From: petE \(*o*)/  mouth2pete@......

Hi,

We will be in Alaska around early July and we would like to rent 2 bikes on July 4th (8am-6pm).  We will stay in Arctic Adventure Hostel on July 3rd-4th.
Can you arrange to drop off bikes on that day (I know, it's holiday)?  I would like to know this in advance, otherwise we will change our plan.
Thank you.

Cheers,
JK

Naturally, I respond with "Get bent Pervert!" assuming Joseph had a late night and amused himself with adolescent trickery per usual.

The next day I am looking through reservations for the hostel and see that this fucking moron has used his O face \(*o*)/ to book through our online engine, and is indeed a real guest/customer. oops. JK does not stand for Just Kidding?, texting has damaged my brain. It is actually this person's initials for a name I could not even begin to pronounce.

I immediately panic and send out a mass email claiming phishing problems and apologizing for any "inappropriate" Bike Easy emails. Transparent, but whatever. What do I do?  call this a-hole and explain to him what he already knows? Then I think, what the f do I care if this person is offended. Wasn't the original offense on him with his 12 teen email address? Yes.

If he wasn't booked at the hostel, I would have left him in pervert status. However, I guess I'm really not at liberty to offend both my customers and Josephs guests at will. Whatever.

Over seas phone calls have joyed me this AM :)